Motherhood is often described as beautiful, rewarding, and life-changing. But what if I told you it’s more than just a new role, it’s a complete transformation of self?
There’s a term for this shift: matrescence. Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael, matrescence describes the physical, emotional, psychological, and social changes a woman experiences as she becomes a mum. It’s like adolescence, but for mums and just like adolescence, this journey can be messy, profound, and entirely normal.
For many mums, whether you're bouncing your pram over the cobbled streets of Edinburgh, taking a stroll around Linlithgow Loch or having a coffee break in Falkirk, this transformation to "Mummy" can feel overwhelming. Recognising that this change is natural and expected can be hugely empowering.
If you have given birth, remember how understanding more about labour and birth made it less scary? Perhaps you went to an antenatal class to find out more so you and your partner could be better prepared.
Why Don’t We Talk About Matrescence More?
Despite its universal nature, the concept of matrescence is still relatively unknown and I only really started looking into it after watching a enlightening TED Talk. a few years ago. Unlike pregnancy, which comes with antenatal classes and endless advice, the emotional shifts of "cripes I'm now a Mum" often remain unspoken.
Our culture pressures mothers to “bounce back” after birth both physically, emotionally, and even in their careers. A 2018 study from the University of Toronto found that over 75% of women reported feeling societal pressure to return to pre-baby life quickly. But the truth is, you don’t go back; you evolve.
Psychologist Aurélie Athan, who has researched matrescence extensively, believes modern motherhood lacks the rituals and support systems that once helped women navigate these changes. Many mums feel isolated or not quite themselves anymore. But what if we could view this not as a problem to solve, but something to embrace.
The Science of Change
Motherhood doesn’t just change your routine, it rewires your brain. Research from the University of Edinburgh found that pregnancy and early motherhood trigger structural changes in the brain, particularly in areas linked to empathy, decision-making, and social connection. This helps explain why new mums often feel hyper-aware of their baby’s needs but might struggle to recall where they left their keys!
There’s also a hormonal shift. The rush of oxytocin (often called the “love hormone”) enhances bonding but can also heighten emotions. Combine that with sleep deprivation and the mental load of caring for a tiny human, and it’s no wonder many mums experience moments of self-doubt.
But this transformation isn’t just about loss, it is also about gaining a new sense of self. Over time, many mums find they develop a deeper understanding of who they are, their values, and what truly matters to them.
The Emotional Landscape
The emotional upheaval of matrescence can be particularly challenging. You may experience feelings of joy, fear, guilt, and a host of other emotions.
Raising a child brings immense love but can also unearth insecurities and fears you didn’t know existed. Research by the National Childbirth Trust found that 65% of new mothers face anxiety postpartum, often questioning if they are “doing it right.”
These feelings are not only normal; they signify growth. As you learn to love and nurture another life, you simultaneously learn more about yourself. Acknowledging these emotions is vital to your "motherhood glow-up" as it is often coined by those in the know.
Embracing This Change
So, how do we move through matrescence with kindness towards ourselves?
1. Acknowledge the Change
It’s okay to feel different. You’re not meant to be the same person you were before you became a mum, that’s the whole point of transformation.
2. Find Your Village
Whether it is antenatal course in Linlithgow, a local baby group in Bathgate, a mum-and-baby yoga class in Falkirk, or just a WhatsApp chat with fellow mums, finding a support system is crucial. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
3. Let Go of the Guilt
Us Brits have a strong culture of resilience and maintaining a 'stiff-upper-lip", but we also need to embrace self-compassion. It’s okay if you’re not cherishing every single moment motherhood is bloody hard work.
4. Prioritise Yourself Too
Motherhood often demands selflessness, but you can’t pour from an empty cup! Remember when you are on a plane and they say in the event of an emergency you place your oxygen mask on first? Even small acts of self-care like grabbing a coffee at your favourite café, taking a solo walk in Callendar Park or heading to The Centre in Livingston can make a difference.
5. Talk About It
By speaking openly about matrescence, we help normalise the experience. If you’re struggling, reach out whether to a friend, a health visitor, or a professional. There are fantastic perinatal mental health services that can offer support or drop me a line as I am able to offer support too.
You Are Not Alone
Motherhood is not just about raising a child; it’s about becoming a new version of yourself. And just like any transformation, it takes time, support, and a lot of self-love and self-compassion. As a statistic from the American Psychological Association highlights, mothers who embrace their changing identity report a 50% higher satisfaction rate in their parenting experience.
So, to the mums navigating the rainy and sunny days in West Lothian, or wherever you happen to be reading this, you’re doing an incredible job. Matrescence is a journey, and you are finding your own unique path.
Raphael, D. (1973). Tender Gift: Breastfeeding – The book in which anthropologist Dana Raphael first introduced the term "maitrescence".
Athan, A. & Miller, M. (2017). Maitrescence: Rebirth of the Mother – Research by psychologist Aurélie Athan discussing how motherhood transforms identity.
Comments